Jerry, you need to find god
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
