went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
