Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
