oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
