Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize