can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
