Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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