Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
