She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We have so much sex to catch up on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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