My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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