I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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