Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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