I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize