My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How naked do you want me to be?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
