I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
