You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
