I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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