I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
