I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
