What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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