they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
