it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
