dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize