she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
