How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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