I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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