she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
