why didn't you poke me back
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
