I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
