Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
