Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
