I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
