Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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