just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
