I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize