I think i peed on brittanys purse
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
