I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
