I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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