well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
