just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
