Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
