Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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