the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
