real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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