I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
