my sisters under your porch take her home
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
