He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize