so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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