yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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