Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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