Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
