my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
