She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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