You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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