And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
