Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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