nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
