I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
