i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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