I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
