Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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