i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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