We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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