apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize