my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
