i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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