Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
