You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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