Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize