nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
