I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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