You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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