I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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