I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
