Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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