Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
