I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
