last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
