whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
