Pappa wants mamma naked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
