i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
