Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize