the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
