You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
FUCK WHALES
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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