Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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