idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
