the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
