What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So squirting runs in the family.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
