Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
