dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
